OK, I'm starting to have those serious post-decision jitters. Today I was talking to a colleague at work and I compared the jitters to how I felt on my wedding day - I was nervous about the ceremony, not the guy I was marrying. I suppose that's a good thing - I'm feeling nervous about the classes I'll have to take and passing the MCAT, not about the actual decision. Although there are quite a few people who think I won't stick to this decision (because let's face it, I'm not so good at sticking things out), but I feel an odd confidence that it won't be an issue.
The other day I borrowed some calculus books from my dad and I've been geeking out in front of the computer, studying up on basic math principles again. It's kind of fun but also a pain in the ass - every time I start doing problems, I realize there's another principle about which I've forgotten completely and then I have to backtrack even farther. At this point, I think I may just start with third-grade math - you know, just to be safe. I'm pretty sure my 10-year-old stepdaughter (who is very good at math, by the way) is way ahead of where I need to be. But no worries, I'm just going to keep plugging away. I'm super excited about my most recent purchase in the name of this strange path I've chosen - Basic Math & Pre-Algebra for Dummies. I got a great deal on a package that also includes Algebra I for Dummies. I realize this is pretty bad for someone who thinks she will miraculously get through two years or more of pre-med studies. But I just need a brush-up - it's been ten years since I've taken a math class. It's like learning a new language - use it or lose it.
Although I won't likely be able to start classes formally until the fall, I think I may sit in on some lower-level math classes this summer just to get a good sense of where I fall on the spectrum.
Strange how I'm so caught up in this math-phobia of mine that I haven't even stopped to worry about chem, biochem, physics. I guess because I'm not worried about any of those things - they're things about which I'm extremely interested, so it doesn't seem as hard to get into. Can anyone recommend ways I can suddenly become totally and completely passionate about math? I would be so set...
t.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
How I Got Here
A long time ago in a land far, far away (a.k.a., New Jersey), a child was born. Right from the start, the world knew an odd little duckling had been added to its flock - it's not every day a baby sits up, looks around, and goes, "What the f***?!" Hey, can you blame the kid?
And now here that kid is, 28.75 years later still looking at the world going, "What the f***?" A couple of days ago, I was brooding about how depressing it is to be aimless in life. All the way through elementary and high school, I said I wanted to be a writer and a literature professor. When I actually started college, I thought I might want to be a philosopher instead - then came the anthropology, business, and psychology phases. I kept plugging away at six years of school just to end up the same place I started - sitting in a metal box staring at four walls (no windows, by the way) and pushing papers all day, every day. Not very satisfying. But since I was already working in a college, I thought I might as well make a little more money at the job, so I started a graduate degree in Higher Education Studies. It took me two and a half months to figure out it was NOT the direction for me, so I waited another year or so and started a graduate degree in Counseling, which I will finish in May. I knew about a year into that it wasn't the right career, either, but by that time, I'd had so much invested in school (and so many loans to pay back), I figured I might as well stick it out.
The long and short of it is that I've learned a whole lot through every single experience I've had. For the last several years, I've been really interested in the health sciences and medicine, following interesting research studies (especially in the field of neuroscience), but I never thought med school was really in the cards for me. I don't have a hard science background at all and I've always been terrified of math. But a couple of days ago I was having a semi-serious late-20s crisis when I passed a hospital billboard and I thought, "What the f***?" Then I wondered why I've always taken the easy way out. Why have I always taken the comfortable route to the known ends, even though the known ends were not REALLY what I wanted to do with my life? Why have I never really applied myself to do something challenging but equally rewarding?
For me, there is no bigger or more serious challenge than studying to become a doctor. I will certainly have to overcome a number of issues (math-phobia, for instance), but the minute I realized this was what I wanted to do, I knew it wasn't just another hair-brained idea. An enormous weight was gone and I suddenly stopped being depressed and anxious - I just kind of knew that it was something I could do. I've struggled pretty much my whole life to stop floating and just PICK something - school, a career, a book to read. I've always had major option-anxiety, but this is something I have no anxiety at all about - this is the right thing to do.
Medicine is a field with very definite parameters - no wishy-washiness about it. You either do it right or people die. My specific interest lies in neurology, but I'm open to just about anything. And after some research, I've discovered that career-changers are not all that uncommon in medicine - there's quite a few people out there who have decided in their 20s, 30s, even 40s that they want to be doctors. Med schools seem to love those folks because they bring life experience to the table, so I'm hoping that works in my favor.
The first part of my journey is to get accepted into a 2-year pre-med program - I've applied to the three in which I'm most interested and have received a lot of encouragement from friends, colleagues, and family (you know, after they got done laughing at me). All the programs are designed specifically for career-changers without science backgrounds, so whichever one I attend will prepare me to take the MCAT and will give me all the basic knowledge in chem, bio, physics, and...ugh!...math.
I feel so good about this decision. I suddenly feel like waking up and going to work again because I know it's just the means to an end. There is now a light at the end of the tunnel and it has nothing to do with (okay, little to do with) money. I will finally be able to help people the way I want to and know I can. I'm really excited and I hope that you all will help support me on the path. I'm sure I'll need it.
t.
And now here that kid is, 28.75 years later still looking at the world going, "What the f***?" A couple of days ago, I was brooding about how depressing it is to be aimless in life. All the way through elementary and high school, I said I wanted to be a writer and a literature professor. When I actually started college, I thought I might want to be a philosopher instead - then came the anthropology, business, and psychology phases. I kept plugging away at six years of school just to end up the same place I started - sitting in a metal box staring at four walls (no windows, by the way) and pushing papers all day, every day. Not very satisfying. But since I was already working in a college, I thought I might as well make a little more money at the job, so I started a graduate degree in Higher Education Studies. It took me two and a half months to figure out it was NOT the direction for me, so I waited another year or so and started a graduate degree in Counseling, which I will finish in May. I knew about a year into that it wasn't the right career, either, but by that time, I'd had so much invested in school (and so many loans to pay back), I figured I might as well stick it out.
The long and short of it is that I've learned a whole lot through every single experience I've had. For the last several years, I've been really interested in the health sciences and medicine, following interesting research studies (especially in the field of neuroscience), but I never thought med school was really in the cards for me. I don't have a hard science background at all and I've always been terrified of math. But a couple of days ago I was having a semi-serious late-20s crisis when I passed a hospital billboard and I thought, "What the f***?" Then I wondered why I've always taken the easy way out. Why have I always taken the comfortable route to the known ends, even though the known ends were not REALLY what I wanted to do with my life? Why have I never really applied myself to do something challenging but equally rewarding?
For me, there is no bigger or more serious challenge than studying to become a doctor. I will certainly have to overcome a number of issues (math-phobia, for instance), but the minute I realized this was what I wanted to do, I knew it wasn't just another hair-brained idea. An enormous weight was gone and I suddenly stopped being depressed and anxious - I just kind of knew that it was something I could do. I've struggled pretty much my whole life to stop floating and just PICK something - school, a career, a book to read. I've always had major option-anxiety, but this is something I have no anxiety at all about - this is the right thing to do.
Medicine is a field with very definite parameters - no wishy-washiness about it. You either do it right or people die. My specific interest lies in neurology, but I'm open to just about anything. And after some research, I've discovered that career-changers are not all that uncommon in medicine - there's quite a few people out there who have decided in their 20s, 30s, even 40s that they want to be doctors. Med schools seem to love those folks because they bring life experience to the table, so I'm hoping that works in my favor.
The first part of my journey is to get accepted into a 2-year pre-med program - I've applied to the three in which I'm most interested and have received a lot of encouragement from friends, colleagues, and family (you know, after they got done laughing at me). All the programs are designed specifically for career-changers without science backgrounds, so whichever one I attend will prepare me to take the MCAT and will give me all the basic knowledge in chem, bio, physics, and...ugh!...math.
I feel so good about this decision. I suddenly feel like waking up and going to work again because I know it's just the means to an end. There is now a light at the end of the tunnel and it has nothing to do with (okay, little to do with) money. I will finally be able to help people the way I want to and know I can. I'm really excited and I hope that you all will help support me on the path. I'm sure I'll need it.
t.
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