A little zen, anyone?

I don't know why but I've suddenly got my zen-ishness back again. I read a very interesting blog post yesterday about the things we do to distract ourselves from the issues at hand - eating/gaining weight because somehow we don't feel like good people, reading a bunch of stuff just to read it and NOT do something else, hanging out online to feel a sense of social cohesion we might not feel in "real life."

All true for me.

So as I was reading, I was thinking, "What's so bad about being alone?" Nothing, really. I'm a pretty cool cat with some interesting thoughts - why can't I just dive into my brain and sit with it for awhile? Why do I (read: we) feel the need to be constantly on the move?

Funny that I should have this mini-revelation now, when I've just formalized my fall schedule and it leaves little "me" time, even to the imagination. Between working, teaching, doing the pre-med thing, and volunteering at the hospital, my week is beyond full. Whatever spare time there might be will be at least partially devoted to the hubster, the BFF, and the animules. Where do I come in?

Still, I think I like my schedule. I like the busy-ness of it because it means I will be at my most productive. I find it distracting NOT to have a busy schedule - then, it's easier for me to sit on my duff and wait around for someone to light a fire under me. But if I'm in a constant state of motion, the slowdown doesn't happen.

Which will eventually catch up to me, as it does every semester.

So how will I balance it all out? I think there are a couple of answers to that...

1. I'll be mindful of everything I do and try to enjoy it, even when it's unenjoyable.
2. I won't waste time on non-productive activities, like procrastination.
3. I will view personal time as productive, too - so when I feel like reading Alice in Wonderland, I will. No questions asked of myself.
4. I don't know how it will work, and I'm okay with not knowing how it will work.

This is just sort of a stream-of-consciousness blog today, but my schedule reminds me of how much I dislike when people dislike what they're doing. Observe your coworkers and you'll know exactly what I mean - how many of them look suicidal and/or homicidal? Probably more than you want to admit. How many of them are grumpy or rude? Quite a few. On the one hand, I suppose you should be compassionate to the fact that not everyone gets to do what they love. But on the other, it's a shame no one taught those people to love the work they do, even if it's not ideal. Because every interaction with another human being is a blessing of sorts. You never know what you might take away from a brief conversation...or even from learning that you dislike certain types of people.

And best yet, you never know what a positive impact you might have on someone who isn't having such a great day, just by being nice.

Zen is such an overused term, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it means that people know what they're striving for, even if they don't know how to get it. I think it's everywhere, though.

I've learned that my zen is peace of mind, created by making food from scratch, spoiling myself with a good juicy nectarine instead of McDonald's fries, spending that half-hour from 4 to 4:30am (before hubby is up) listening to the crickets and then falling back asleep. Sometimes it's strange things like getting an amazing deal on something I've waited to buy for months, or sitting at the hospital reception desk on a quiet Sunday night when no one is around but the security guard.

When that peace of mind is gone for awhile, I appreciate it all the more when it comes back.

t.