Resignation

Although the news hasn't really hit the airwaves yet, my life has just changed drastically. After much thought and flip-flopping, I officially resigned from my position at Stockton today. It won't be effective until mid-May because I don't desire to make anyone else's life more difficult in the middle of an academic semester, but now I have a deadline by which to make some important decisions.

Oh, how I've tossed and turned over this decision. My entire professional career has been built at that school, and I can't begin to describe the wealth of relationships I've built there. It's been home for so long, I'm not quite sure what life will be like without it. One thing's for sure - it's already scarier. I have no immediate job prospects, although I'm completely confident in my ability to continue making a living. I hope to write more, edit more, and most of all, teach more. I have found that teaching is where I am most comfortable - it allows me to connect with students in more significant ways than I currently do and it's such a great thing to know that you've got SOMETHING useful to offer the world. I don't expect to pursue a teaching certificate, but I will certainly look for as many adjunct instructor opportunities as I can throughout my immediate area and beyond. And, of course, I'll continue to plod through my pre-med studies at a snail's pace.

It's difficult to explain - I feel like I've been watching the long, slow death of my current profession for some time now and it's been brutal. My entire life has been built around my field - my self-esteem has, at least to some degree, hinged almost entirely on what I've been able to accomplish professionally and academically. It's scary to think of moving on finally.

But I'm also completely intrigued by what might be possible now. I suppose I owe a lot of my evolution as a person to Alex for being so supportive of every decision I've made in the time that we've been together. Not once has he told me NOT to do something; in fact, he's pushed me to really think about what I love to do and how to make it into a career. So that's what I'm doing, I suppose.

It's going to be weird, looking at everything I do this semester as the last time I'll do it at Stockton. It will be even stranger to see someone else in my chair, in my office, probably with the horrible fluorescent lights on instead of the cozy little cave-lighting I've created. It will be weird to go to the school only as a student and not as an employee with the benefit of an office, a little plot of land in academia to call my own.

I'm just being self-indulgent and reminiscent now :) I've got a great deal of heartburn (both literal and figurative), so I suppose I'll take some Pepto and go to bed. Good night, all.

t.